| |
Baby…
Maybe you were just another story I created… maybe not. Maybe you were indeed the boy of my dreams, surprisingly existent in real life, my perfect match, my mate, whom I came to know all of a coincidence. I still can’t tell, no… do I really feel you, or do I just think of you intensely, hoping you do the same at the same time? There are times that I’m almost sure that yes, I do feel you, I feel your powerful vibes crossing the ocean instantly, bumping on my soul, making me tremble...
I had to cut myself off your life, I had to… When Touch started putting forward its fair demands, when Fear accompanied with Doubt came to grin at our plans… What if, what if… Were we right, or were we crazy, as most people would say? Why us? Why you and I? Was it me for you for sure, was it you for me? The few more years I had spent in this life had made it easier for me to cry “YES!”. Yes, you, of course you, after so many disappointments, so many wounds and tears, after so much pain and so much loneliness… Yes, at last, tenderness and passion, wild adventure and sweet romance… The most miraculous, the most unbelievable combination ever. The most spectacular man. You existed. And I had to fly to you, make you mine, become yours and forget all the miserable other people that so insensitively tried (and almost managed) to infect us with their misery. We had to meet, we had to become the benchmark of Happiness, we had to… didn’t we? I’d cry “yes”… but what would you say? Fear – it was always Fear… and the few more years I had spent in this life. The former beautiful dreams I had watched slowly decomposing, decaying… I thought I sensed the awful taste of your Doubt’s kiss in my mouth – and at the same time Fear tied my tongue in knot. Baby, my gorgeous, my adorable baby… I had to cut myself off your life. Our dream was the most beautiful one – I couldn’t stand, I couldn’t bear to watch it having such a horrible death…
And I also had to punch Doubt on the face – Stop bothering me, you bitch! It’s ok – you win – we move on. We‘ll find something equally awesome and also more convenient – what the heck, the world is full of wonderful people craving for love! Why would it have to be you and me, why not me with someone else who would live much closer, why not you with someone else too?
“I’ve never found anyone who’s like you before”, you wrote to me once…
Baby… my baby… neither did I. Never… and I had almost lost my hopes that I would. But the problem was that… you hadn’t lost yours. Am I wrong?
Baby… my sweet baby… it’s so fucking hard! People kill me slowly all these years, they keep doing so in such a persistent way!… I want – I need to forget sometimes, to lower my standards, to feel just a droplet of ordinary joy! I can’t… It’s brutal. The world is full of people charming at first sight, but if you come a little closer you’ll surely observe, they ‘re full of black holes, which they unsuccessfully try to fill up with the essence of a pure soul, my soul, which still gleams, struggling hard not to fade… And I’m a wounded fighter almost insane, because I could be saved if I wished to… I could escape in the warm hug of the pure tenderness. Or I could be wildly satisfied in the realm of the neat sensual pleasure. But I’m greedy, I guess – I want the whole package. I want YOU – or someone like you, though I don’t believe they exist… It was almost unbelievable that I discovered you at first place…
Baby… my precious baby… oh, how much I desire to call you “my love”! Did you find someone? Did you find Her? So fast? Please, no matter what, no matter how great your loneliness may be, please, don’t let Fear be the degrading winner! Please, don’t become like everyone else! I had to cut myself off your life, yes, so as to both try other roads and see if they lead to Paradise as well… Did you give up, or did you already find something that worked for you? My alternatives didn’t work so far, the exact opposite: I almost find myself in the great depths of Hell. The last one made me sick, babe… It’s been years since I decided to take no notice of such sickening influences and I learned to protect my body… but my soul unfortunately can’t be left unaffected. It’s falling apart, slowly-slowly… unavoidably, and takes my health with it. I’m more and more sick, baby, for real, I had been to the doctor’s today. I want so much to live, but I’m under constant assault. People keep killing me. “Oh, you take everything so seriously!”, said my last murderer. Well, yes… under the shadow of my looming end, I have no other choice but to take life, MY LIFE, very very seriously…
|
 | | | | | | | | Στατιστικά στοιχεία | | | | | Σχόλια: 0
Στα αγαπημένα: 0
| | | | | | | |
|
